


From the Shallows of my Thoughts

by LensMind



Category: Free!
Genre: Alternate Universe - Past Lives, Farm Boy Makoto, First Love, M/M, Rating May Change, Rich boy Haru, Swimming, and all the other firsts that come with it, excessive hand holding, fear of water, swimming lessons, vaguely historical setting
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-08-17
Updated: 2015-05-13
Packaged: 2018-02-13 14:50:10
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 17,735
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2154630
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LensMind/pseuds/LensMind
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Haruka Nanase hates water.</p><p>Every time he looks at the river behind his house, he knows its looking back at him. It's just sitting there, quietly waiting for the right moment to bare its fangs and attack, and Haru refuses to be bitten.<br/>And the boy whose family have just moved into the farm along the river? Well, he's insane for actually swimming in that river. </p><p>So, Haru starts to watch Makoto. He watches and waits for the river to attack, like it undoubtedly will. What he didn't plan on, was finding himself drifting closer and closer to both Makoto and that water.</p><p>DIS-CONTINUED, SORRY!</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. River Bank

**Author's Note:**

> **Note: This work belongs to me, please do not copy/dublicate.**
> 
>  
> 
> The story of how Haruka Nanase came to love water.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Pretty much the prologue...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And boom! The fic I've been planning for like a month or two now, and my first dip into writing for the Free! fandom!
> 
> Please bare with his chapter - especially the fact I keep calling Haru 'Haruka' (which sounds super stilted in my opinion, but it will change in upcoming chapters, I promise you).   
> But yes, I hope you enjoy and look forward to what I've got planned for this story!
> 
> It's set in a previous life (but only like the 1950s or something, creative licence and all that), and it's sort of a story about why Haru came to love water and swimming so much in the canon plot line. So yeah... you'll see!!
> 
> Anyways, you guys can find me [on tumblr here](http://freckledbodty.tumblr.com), and I hope you enjoy!!! ^^

The water is alive. Even when the water’s surface is perfectly still, when it stretches out in silence, when not even the faintest of ripples can be see, it’s just holding its breath. It’s just waiting for its prey. Once you dive in it will immediately bare its fangs and attack. 

And that’s why Haruka Nanase never approached it. 

Peering down from his bedroom window, he could see past his garden wall to the twisting, threatening river that sliced its way through the fields surrounding the Nanase estate. His parents had warned him of the dangers of that river, and Haruka wasn’t stupid enough to try and test how true those warnings were. Surely just the fact that the water had carved its way through the land was enough to show how vicious it was? Yes, Haruka Nanase utterly despised water. 

“Haruka!” His grandmother’s voice called from somewhere in the house. “You should go get some fresh air!”

He sighed; his grandmother said that at least once every day. What was so wrong with sitting inside? She couldn’t use exercise as an excuse – this house was big enough for him to get more than enough just by walking up and down the stairs. Even so, he wasn’t in the mood to argue with her (like most days), and slid off the windowsill to head downstairs. By the time he’d made it out onto the landing, he heard the commotion in the hallway below; his parents were hurrying about, pulling on shoes and coats and deep in conversation about something to do with work. In moments they were out of the front door, without even noticing the boy at the top of the stairs watching them. 

Just another day, he supposed. 

Haruka’s destination was the back door – it led out from the kitchen into the garden. His shoes were already there and waiting to be slipped on. He didn’t catch a glimpse of his grandmother, so he guessed she was in her favourite sitting room – the one that was more of a traditional Japanese style than the rest of the rather Westernised house. Haruka liked that room too, though he tended to only sit in there when his parents were away. Most days he stuck to his bedroom; it was just more convenient that way. 

The air still had a hint of winter chill, so Haruka figured he better grab his coat and scarf. It was already the middle of March; where was the spring warmth when you needed it? Still, the garden definitely showed signs of spring; the flowers were budding and the trees were starting to regrow the leaves they lost in autumn. Haruka liked the garden; it was large, but the plants and shrubs dotted around made it easy to hide away. Plus, there was the tall stone wall that surrounded it; keeping the world outside far away. 

Tugging his scarf over his nose, Haruka wandered along aimlessly, spotting shapes in the clouds where he could. Eventually he found himself standing before the back gate; the endless farm fields was all that could be seen through those iron bars. Well, that and the small hill down to that dreadful river. Haruka frowned as he looked at the rushing water and shivered. Maybe he should go back inside…

“Look how far it goes!”

Haruka froze. The voices weren’t ones he recognised, and they were too young to belong to a visitor for his parents. Besides… he was almost positive that those voices were coming from…

“Ran, no! We can’t go in yet! It’s too cold.”

Turning back to the gate, Haruka peered through bars and looked along the river a little. On the opposite side, standing on the bank, were three small figures. They were close… too close to the water’s edge. 

He opened his mouth to call out; desperate to tell them to get back, back further onto land where it was safe, but his voice caught in his throat. It wasn’t any of his business, right? He didn’t know who they were or what they were doing…

… but they were too close to the water. 

So instead he stood perfectly still; watching the strange trio has they crouched by the water’s edge and splashed their hands around a little. Haruka could only hold his breath – waiting for the water to bite. 

But it didn’t. 

He couldn’t understand it. Maybe it was because the three of them weren’t actually in the water yet. Maybe it was lulling them into a false sense of security. Yes, yes, that had to be it; then it would only hurt all the more when the water finally showed its true nature. 

“Hello!”

Haruka flinched. 

He had been so busy mulling over what the water was planning, that he hadn’t even realised the three figures had wandered along the river bank and were now standing almost directly opposite the gate. He hadn’t realised they were looking across the river at him until the tallest of the three had called out a greeting. 

Haruka was met with the kindest, greenest eyes he’d ever seen, and a smile to match. The boy was looking over at him, completely ignoring the two smaller children who were tugging on either of his arms. The smaller ones barely looked old enough to be walking about, but the tall boy looked a little older than Haruka. 

“You want to come play too?” the boy asked – his smile only growing wider when he realised Haruka was in fact watching them. 

Shuffling uncomfortably, Haruka glanced from the three strangers to the river, a mere step away from their feet. When his eyes finally made their way back up to the tall boy’s, he frowned. 

“Stay away from the water.”

He only stayed still long enough to watch the confusion register on the tall boy’s face, and then Haruka turned and hurried back to the house. Something about that boy made Haruka feel uncomfortable. It may have just been because of the river, but something in the pit of his stomach said there was something bigger than that, something that scared Haruka more than the hidden danger in the water. Something that made him sprint back up to the safety of his bedroom, until his grandmother shouted, “Haruka! Don’t slam doors!” 

Well, it didn’t matter. If the boy was that careless around the river, Haruka probably wouldn’t have to worry about it for long. Besides, there were only a few more weeks until he had to go back to school – and once there, he wouldn’t be back home until summer. Plenty of time for the tall boy to feel the wrath of the water. 

Or at least… that’s what he thought. 

It was that very evening, after Haruka’s parents had returned and talked about the news from the city over dinner (a conversation Haruka didn’t bother paying attention to). He’d gone to sit under the kotatsu and quietly read alongside his grandmother, when he started to become aware of noise just outside. 

He’d only just lifted his gaze to the door when it swung open and his mother beckoned him. “Haruka, come on out and meet the Tachibanas.”  
Haruka didn’t feel like meeting the Tachibanas. He knew exactly what was going on; it was just another new tenant in one of the houses on his parents’ land, and they probably had a kid too, so his parents wanted to show they were friendly landlords, or whatever. It was a ruse Haruka had been forced to play along with for some time now – not that he had to do anything other than stand there as his father introduced him. After that, he never saw the new people again. 

However, as his mother took him by the shoulder and led him towards the front door, Haruka realised who was standing in the hall. 

“Ah!” the tall boy exclaimed, lifting a finger and pointing at Haruka with a wide grin. He was only accompanied by (who Haruka presumed was) his father, who stood wearing the same smile as his son – if not slightly confused. 

“You’ve already met?” Haruka’s father asked, peering between the two boys. 

Haruka quickly looked away. 

“Haruka, this is Makoto and his father. They’ll be living on the farm just along the river.”

Oh yes, Haruka did recall something like an old unused farm house down there. He guessed that meant this Makoto would be near the river a lot – more chances for him to discover its true nature then. 

His mother leant down. “We need to have a chat with Mr Tachibana about work, so why don’t you go up and play with Makoto, dear?”

That was the last thing he wanted to do, Haruka thought, but not only was his mother already pushing him towards the stairs, but Makoto was already walking over as well. In the end, Haruka didn’t have a choice, and silently moved upstairs. 

“I figured you must be the Nanase’s son if you lived here,” Makoto said as they stepped inside Haruka’s room. “And it seems we’re the same age too!”

That surprised Haruka. Makoto seemed tall compared to him, he couldn’t quite believe they were actually the same year. But as Makoto started chatting away about starting the local middle school this April, Haruka figured it must have been true.

“Do you go there too, Haru?”

Where did the nickname come from?

Haruka stared at Makoto – who was standing in the middle of the room smiling, clearly waiting for an answer that, frankly, Haruka didn’t feel like giving. This kid was way too friendly. And there was still something about his presence that made him uncomfortable. 

“No,” Haruka eventually replied – unable to keep quiet under that unwavering stare. “I go to a boarding school.”

“Oh, that’s a shame! I thought we could walk together… Once Ren and Ran grow up I guess I’ll just have to walk with them. Oh! They’re my little brother and sister. They were the ones with me on the riverbank earlier…”

This boy also talked a lot. Haruka moved over and sat on the edge of his windowsill, peering out at the fields. From here he could indeed see the farm that Makoto now lived on; lights in the windows standing out a little too much in the darkening scenery. His eyes drifted down to the river; now almost hidden in the dark… even more dangerous. He was so busy thinking about how awful it must be near that rushing, noisy water in the darkness, that he didn’t realise that Makoto had fallen silent until he realised the reflection in the window had come closer. 

Jumping, Haruka spun round, frowning at the sudden closeness. Makoto blinked, that he’d read the discomfort in Haruka’s features and took a step back without any prompting. “Say, Haru, do you not like the river?”

“Huh?”

“Well, you told me to stay away from the water earlier. And you look really cold when you’re looking at it.”

Haruka turned his head away. “I always look cold.”

Makoto laughed. “No you don’t!”

A knot of surprise appeared in Haruka’s stomach. He turned back to Makoto – eyes widening slightly.

“You only look cold when you’re looking at the river. The rest of the time you look… thoughtful.”

Haruka didn’t get much time to react, since his grandmother knocked on the door and peeked in to ask if the two boys wanted to come get some cookies, but there was no doubt the feeling of discomfort he felt around Makoto had grown into something more complicated… something even worse that he couldn’t quite name yet. 

And… he may have been imagining it… but he thought he felt a strange sense of relief there too. 

***

“Haru!”

Haruka came to a stop in front of his back gate and peered through the iron bars to see Makoto standing on the other side of the river – waving with his usual smile. He wasn’t with his younger siblings today (though over the week since Makoto had moved here, Haruka had barely seen him without the twins attached to his arms). 

“Don’t call me Haru,” Haruka said back – only raising his voice enough for Makoto to hear him. He stayed safe behind those bars like always – though by now he wasn’t sure whether he was staying safe from the river or something else entirely…

Makoto just laughed and gave a half-hearted apology. “When do you go back to school?”

“Next week.”

“Isn’t that a little early?”

Haruka shrugged. “The dorms open early so new students can move in.”

“But you’re not a new student…” Makoto pointed out, his head tilting to the side slightly. 

Haruka didn’t feel like giving that one an answer. Makoto didn’t need to know that he felt slightly more at ease at that school than sitting around this house all day. If he was at school, he didn’t feel like he was in his parents’ way all the time. Makoto didn’t push him for a response – a trait that made being around him slightly more bearable for Haruka, who was yet to determine or sort out the strange feeling Makoto gave him. 

“Hey, you know, when you’re back for summer, we should swim in the ri–”

“No.”

“Play beside it?”

“No.”

“You really don’t like the river, huh Haru?”

“Don’t call me Haru.”

Yet again, Makoto laughed. 

“I have to go back inside now,” Haruka sighed; growing tired of the exchange and the growing tightness in his stomach. Makoto was really too close to the water’s edge…

Makoto looked down-trodden. Haruka could almost see his emotions drooping, and it was a strange sight. “Alright then. But make sure you say goodbye before you leave!”

Haruka didn’t see Makoto in the days leading up to returning to school. He told himself it was because he was busy packing, and helping his grandmother do bits and bobs, and that (most importantly) he didn’t even care if he said goodbye to Makoto. Yes, he certainly wouldn’t let himself admit that he made excuses to go out into the garden and slowly pass by that iron gate to see if he caught a glimpse of the other boy’s friendly smile. Before he knew it, he was standing in the driveway watching the family driver throw his bags into the back of the car. 

“Keep up with your studies, Haruka,” his grandmother reminded him, giving him a brief hug and ushering him towards the open car door. His parents had already gone off somewhere, but it wasn’t like they usually saw Haruka off, so he didn’t mind… not at all. 

The skies looked dark and threatening, like the clouds would release torrents of rain at any moment. Haruka didn’t want his grandmother to be caught out if that happened, so he said his goodbye quickly and stepped into the car. 

“Haru!”

Of _course_ Makoto was running up the driveway towards them. Haruka shouldn’t have expected anything else. He didn’t get out the car, but left the door open – even when the driver slid into the front seat and got ready to head off. Makoto was sprinting, pumping his legs and arms like he was in a movie, chasing after a train carrying his true love or something; his hair was wild, eyes even wilder, and his clothes were utterly drenched. Haruka didn’t want to imagine how that had happened…

“I’m sorry, Haru!” Makoto cried as he finally neared the car, coming to an awkward stop in front of Haruka’s open door and leaning forward, gasping for air. Haruka could only stare: the knot in his stomach grew tighter. “I’m so sorry! The pig had babies… and I’ve been helping dad with them all week!” Haruka was positive someone who’d just been running that hard should not be speaking so fast, but Makoto showed no signs of actually trying to calm his breathing down. “And mum mentioned you were leaving today, and I… I had to say goodbye!”

Yet another new feeling bubbled up inside Haruka. It wasn’t the discomfort, or the relief… this feeling started in his chest and moved up his throat until it spilled out of his mouth. 

He laughed. 

Actually, it could hardly be called a laugh. It was simply a heavy breath of air leaving his nose – but Haruka was still certain it was a laugh. And he smiled too. He raised his hand to cover it, but his lips were undoubtedly curling up into a smile, and Makoto had definitely caught it. 

“Don’t… don’t call me Haru.”

His chest puffing out happily, Makoto grinned. “I’ll see you in summer, yeah?”

“I guess.”

“Bye Haru!”

Haru pulled his door shut. Settling down in the seat and making a point to look straight ahead as the driver started up the car. It was only when they started to pull away that his eyes glanced over at the panting boy who stood waving. 

“Bye Makoto.”


	2. Unchanging World

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> As Haru prepares to return home from boarding school, he realises how little he understands his own decisions.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And here's chapter two! Thanks to everyone reading, hope you enjoy this chapter!  
> I've decided I really like writing Free! characters. All of them. Every one. ~~Whether that means I'm writing them well is another question entirely...~~
> 
> You guys an find me [on tumblr here!](http://freckledbodty.tumblr.com)

“This is bullshit.” Rin kicked a shoe across the dorm room floor, and dropped back on Haru’s bed, continuing to mutter under his breath.

Haru turned to stare at his old friend from his place by his bag on the floor. “If you aren’t going to help, why are you here?”

“I’m here to tell my friend that dropping out of school is ridiculous!”

Closing his eyes and sighing softly, Haru shuffled across the floor to retrieve the shoe Rin had kicked and stuffed it into his bag. He’d been trying to pack up his room for nearly two hours now, and Rin had been lounging around making it difficult for more than half of that time. Haru couldn’t put a finger on when Rin had started following him around the boarding school – it had been years ago, back when they were really young – but these days Haru had to admit his friend’s presence was sort of comforting. Now as well, even though Rin was making packing unnecessarily difficult, it was sort of nice knowing he would be missed. 

“I’m not dropping out,” Haru reminded him for the billionth time. “I’m just transferring.”

Sousuke’s large form hovering in the doorway gave a cold snort. “You’re leaving the prestigious boarding school to attend some common farm boy school. Might as well be dropping out.”

Haru glared across at him. “I definitely don’t know why you’re here.”

Though, as he ignored Rin and Sousuke’s comments and returned to packing up what was left of his room, even Haru had to admit there was something illogical about the whole situation. It was one week until the last summer break of Haru’s school years – barely half a year left until he would graduate for good… and here he was moving to another school for the last half of it. 

As much as Haru told everyone he’d agreed to transfer to the school close to his parents’ house in order to look after his sick grandmother, it wasn’t hard to work out that his parents could hire someone to take care of her if it she was really that ill. Honestly, Haru didn’t know why he was making excuses to leave the boarding school, it just sort of happened. 

Maybe he’d just stopped caring. 

With the last few bits and pieces packed, Haru peered out his dorm room window at the black car sitting and waiting just outside the school. The skies were so dark it could have been night, and the rain hammering down only made the world outside look even sadder. Making Rin and Sousuke help with his bags (they may as well do _something_ ), Haru started the long trudge down the school staircases. A number of other students and teachers saw him passing, but only a few bothered to give their goodbyes. Haru didn’t mind; he’d never been here to make long-lasting friendships. Rin had sort of just stuck to him, and Sousuke may have hung around – but Haru would certainly never call him a friend. In short, as he greeted his family’s driver who waited in the foyer and headed to the car, Haru didn’t even bother looking back up at the towering school building. 

He slipped into the back seat, slamming the door shut without a thought as the driver put his bags in the boot. As he was shaking his hair free of excess water from the rain, there was a noisy knock on his window. Rin glowered through at him, and motioned for Haru to roll down the window. 

Haru sighed. 

“Don’t think you’re getting rid of me that easy!” Rin warned before the window was even half open. “I’ll come visit in summer, whether you invite me or not.”

Haru didn’t doubt it. “Do what you like.”

Flashing a toothy smile, Rin reached through the window and ruffled Haru’s hair needlessly. “Don’t turn into some raggedy farm boy whilst you’re crying over my absence!”

“As if.”

The driver slipped into the front seat and glanced at Haru through the mirror. “Are you ready, sir?”

“Yeah.” 

Haru started to roll the window back up as Rin stepped away. Rain streamed down the red-head’s form – rolling down his cheeks and dripping off the edge of his nose. His hair stuck to his face oddly, and his clothes looked heavy all of a sudden as the water soaked into them. Yes… the water got in everywhere. Haru hadn’t even been out in the rain that long, but his body felt chilled with the brief soaking. 

The car started up, and Haru glanced back as it started pulling away. Rin still stood there, watching the car drive off… 

His lips twitched upwards slightly. 

Really, what an idiot. 

The hour on the road passed uneventfully. The driver didn’t try to strike up conversation, and Haru was glad. He stared out the window in a daze; watching the repetitive country scenery passing by. The closer they got to his parents’ house, the lighter the sky became, and the more the rain eased. By the time they pulled into the Nanase estate’s drive, the sky was totally clear. 

Stepping out the car, Haru was met with the moist, cold air that always hung around after rainfall. The house was the same as always, as were the fields and farmland surrounding it. Yes, this place never changed; it was like it was frozen in time, a scene replaying over and over every time he returned home for the holidays. Honestly, it grew tiresome… 

“Will that be all, sir?” the driver asked after he’d carried Haru’s bags to just inside the main hall. With a nod to thank him as he shuts the door, Haru turns his attention back to the big house. 

He used to think the house would started to feel less gigantic when he grew up, but by now Haru had resigned himself to the fact that this house would always feel huge, no matter how tall he got. Big and empty. The place was completely hollow, whist still overflowing with the most pointless of objects. If he called out now, he knew all he would hear was his own dull voice echoed back at him. It was cold… 

He didn’t bother peering into any of the rooms as he lugged his bags up the stairs and towards his room; he knew from the lack of items by the door that his parents were out somewhere, and his grandmother didn’t seem to be about either – understandable: if Haru lived in this awful place full-time, he would have to find excuses to go out as often as possible too. Though… he supposed he was living here full-time now… Better start looking for excuses. 

His room was the same as always: big, bare, spotless. They certainly made sure not a speck of dust dared settle in here, even when he was gone for months at a time – though, Haru supposed that was more thanks to the integrity of the cleaner than thoughtfulness of his parents. Saying that, over the years they’d made an effort to turn Haru’s room into one more fitted for a teenager – giving his a bigger bed, and removing his old toys from when he was a kid, only to replace them with shelves of books and odd ornaments he’d never even look at twice. He guessed he was grateful for more reading material – though it wasn’t like they didn’t have an already rather expansive library downstairs.

He briefly browsed through the new books that his father had apparently left on his desk since New Years, and mindlessly picked one up to start flicking through as he ambled over to his window. 

The fields were the usually rich colours of summer; Haru wasn’t particularly knowledgeable about the work that went on his parents’ farmland, but he guessed that it was harvest time for something, judging by how luscious the scenery looked. The garden too looked like it was thriving; his grandmother would be enjoying that – the huge tree branches were overhanging around the benches, giving them a rather pleasant looking shade. 

Beyond the tall stone wall, the river still ran on. That was another thing that never changed; it was still as large and threatening as ever. 

And just down that river, stood the handsome farmer’s cottage that had gained so much of Haru’s attention as of late. It was bigger since he’d been back at New Years; the vegetable garden he could see from here was expanding, and they’d rebuilt the old little fence to gain a much larger perimeter. The roof was different too, Haru couldn’t quite work out how, but he felt it seemed sturdier. 

That house… it seemed to be the only thing in this place that wasn’t trapped frozen in time. It was sort of nice.

He wasn’t sure what happened first after that. Whether it was him who’d spotted the small form moving just outside the cottage and ended up staring at it… Or if that form had noticed him in the window first. Either way, the moment Haru realised they were staring at each other, he felt a pang in his chest – one that he’d become rather accustomed to over the years. 

Makoto Tachibana…

He was heading out of his room before he’d even been aware that his legs were moving. 

It had been over ten years since he’d met that strange, chatty farm boy, and Haru had never thought he’d end up as familiar with Makoto’s presence as he had. Every summer, every New Years, he’d end up standing at that back gate talking through the bars at Makoto. And every time, Makoto seemed ridiculously happy that Haru was back. Even after all this time, Haru wasn’t entirely sure what he thought of Makoto. As a person who lived in the only changing thing in a stationary world, Makoto was a confusing thing. With every holiday that came and went, Makoto grew different; he got taller, bigger. He gained muscles from all the farm work, the manly build from puberty. He used to be big compared to Haru, but now the difference between them felt unworldly at times. 

And yet… at the same time… Makoto was the same as always. His eyes were just as green and just as kind, and his smile still matched perfectly. There was no difference in the way he smiled at Haru or spoke to Haru, no change in the way he moved or the little habits Haru had come to notice. And he still recklessly swum in that damned river, completely disregarding the danger Haru tried to warn him of. 

What he did know, was that every time he returned to this place, that pang in his chest returned too. 

Stepping out into the back garden, Haru headed across to the iron gate, moving much faster than he cared to admit. Wrapping his fingers around the metal, he peered out across the river. 

“Haru!”

Makoto’s smile was wider than Haru felt he deserved, but he felt strangely relieved that he’d received the same greeting as normal. Actually, if anything, Makoto looked more ecstatic than usual to see the boy behind the gate. 

He reminded Haru of some sort of excited puppy, looking about in a frenzy like he was trying to work out how he was supposed to get across the river to see him. A moment later, after frowning at the old bridge a good way along the river, Makoto shrugged and plunged–

“HEY!” Haru cried as he watched Makoto running straight into the rushing water. He stood, completely horrified, as Makoto first waded across – eventually having to break into a swim when the water grew too deep. 

It felt like his heart was in his throat; he was usually so smug, watching Makoto stupidly play about the dangerous beast… but this time Haru was panicked watching the scene in front of him. If the water was going to attack, he didn’t want it to happen whilst Makoto was swimming across to see _him_. 

He didn’t even realise he’d been holding his breath until he gasped air back into his lungs when Makoto climbed out of the water and onto the bank. Jogging up the hill, he laughed happily – completely ignoring the fact his clothes were now completely soaked. Well, at least he just seemed to be in his usual farm work clothes. 

“You’re here! You’re really here!” Makoto sung, coming to a halt before the gate and brushing his hands through his hair to shake out the water. “I thought I was seeing things when you were at your window! Aren’t you back early for summer?”

Haru nodded, feeling somewhat strange under Makoto’s excited gaze. “Things happened…”

“Nothing bad I hope?”

“My grandmother needs looking after.”

“Eh?” Makoto’s smile fell, and worry lines appeared on his forehead. “Has she gotten worse?”

Haru shrugged. “I just felt like I should be here…” He really didn’t feel like discussing his reasons for coming home with Makoto – it was hard enough to try and explain them to Rin or his parents, but there was no way he was going to try and explain it to Makoto… especially when Haru barely understood his reasons himself. 

In true Makoto form, he didn’t pry. It was a strange ability Makoto seemed to have; he always knew what to say, or when not to say anything at all, around Haru. Haru seemed to remember asking Makoto how he knew back when they were much younger, but Makoto just said Haru’s face always told him more than he needed to know. Haru wasn’t sure what that meant – Makoto may have just been making it up, for all he knew – but, the fact remained; Makoto always seemed to know what Haru was thinking. 

“So how long are you back for?” Makoto asked, his head cocking to the side slightly. “Until she gets a bit better…?”

“I’m transferring.”

The smile slipped off Makoto’s face. “Huh?”

“I’m transferring to the school here.”

Silence hung over them for a moment – not uncomfortable, exactly (silence never really was uncomfortable around Makoto, to Haru’s relief), but it seemed like Makoto’s mind was desperately working to work out what that meant. 

Finally, his eyes widened. 

“Really?” he exclaimed. Leaning forward suddenly, Makoto’s hand wrapped around the iron bars… or, more specifically, wrapped around Haru’s hand. The smile on his face was so pure and honest Haru felt strange knowing he had caused it. “My school? You’ll be at school with me?”

“A-after summer…”

“That’s great!” Makoto could have been glowing, he seemed that happy. “We can walk together!”

Makoto carried on talking about the school, but Haru didn’t respond. He didn’t even listen. His mind was completely focused on the heat coursing through him – and he was sure it was all coming straight from the hand that was covered by Makoto’s. The two of them may have had a strange sort of friendship for all these years, but there’d always been a barrier between them; whether it be the formalities Makoto kept when he visited Haru’s house, or this very gate… And the hand on his own was breaking that barrier, and it felt very, _very_ , odd. 

At another strong pang in his chest, Haru snatched his hand back. “I-I need to go unpack,” he said quickly, trying not to look at the blank confusion on Makoto’s face. 

“Alright,” Makoto said – the smile still in his voice. “I’ll see you later, yeah?”

“Mhm…”

He moved back towards the house, rubbing his hand to try and stop the tingling sensation on his skin. Pausing at the back door though, he couldn’t resist turning back. Makoto was still standing there, smiling, and raised his eyebrows in question and the pause. 

“Go back by the bridge,” Haru ordered. 

The smile grew wider. “Ok, Haru.”


	3. The River Spirit

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Haru is suitably confused when he hears rumours of a beautiful, blue-eyed river spirit that supposedly lives in his garden.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Safe to say, the Free! finale gave me a billion MakoHaru feels and this chapter bloody well wrote itself.   
> Hope you guys enjoy ^^
> 
> [My Tumblr!](http://freckledbodty.tumblr.com)

Three days into coming home, and Haru’s grandmother had already started her usual “Go get some fresh air!” routine. He was starting to wonder if she was telling him to do this simply because she was no longer well enough to sit in the garden for extended periods of time. She’d always loved that garden – putting more time and effort into caring for it than his parents had put into Haru. Now the illness was getting the better of her, the garden had been left to a gardener his parents had hired, and his grandmother made no attempt to hide her disapproval. Basically, at this point, she was making Haru go outside in the hopes he might make use of the garden in her place. 

Although, as much as her constant nagging was tiring Haru out – she still seemed well enough to shout up the stairs at him – Haru didn’t really mind going out there. This summer seemed to be a rather pleasant one; the heat was comfortable – not at all humid and sticky like their summers usually were – and if Haru found a decent bit of shade, he sometimes felt tempted to just doze off, the warmth was that calming. Besides, when he was out in the garden, there was more of a chance he’d end up chatting with Makoto…

… but that was just something that happened. Haru was pretty sure he didn’t really care one way or another if he ended up seeing Makoto’s smile behind those iron bars. 

Today, he’d sat down on one of the benches that was always shaded by the overhanging trees, right up against the garden wall. He tucked his legs up beneath him and rested another new book in his lap – he was getting through maybe one or even two a day right now. Not that there was much else to do but read around here… 

Makoto hadn’t passed by yet. Haru knew he was done with school for the summer now – having finished just the other day – but the summer holidays didn’t mean a break for Makoto like it did Haru. If anything, Makoto was busier; dragged back into full days of work on his parents’ farm. Makoto never seemed to mind though, and Haru bet he probably _offered_ to help more often than not. Still, Haru wasn’t particularly worried; Makoto would always show up sooner or later. Always.

His eyes continued to scan across the book’s thin pages, but his mind wandered off. Did he actually _look forward_ to seeing Makoto? It was something of a strange sensation, one that Haru often ended up mulling over. He supposed Makoto would be classified as his ‘friend’… but Rin was his friend, and Haru never particularly looked forward to seeing him. He didn’t particularly dislike Rin’s company, but he never exactly craved it – it was just something of a nice break once in a while to have Rin around. With Makoto, it was different. Haru actually wanted to see him, but he wasn’t sure why or what emotions came tangled in with that ‘want’. 

The only conclusion he ever came up with was that feelings were funny, perplexing things. 

He’d only just reached this point in his thoughts, when he heard voices from the other side of the wall. For a moment, his breath hitched, but he quickly checked himself when he realised there were multiple voices – both much too high a pitch to be Makoto. 

_Was this disappointment he felt…?_

“Stop being a baby, Ren!” the more feminine voice snapped. As Haru leant forward to peer along towards the gate, he spotted the forms of two children now standing in front of the iron bars. He doubted they could see him – the dense leaves of the trees were in the way, so they’d have to be _really_ looking to spot him through them, especially if he stayed still. 

“Mum will be cross if she knows we were up here!” The second voice was timid, smaller, but Haru was pretty sure it was male – probably this ‘Ren’ the girl had mentioned. 

“We’re not doing anything wrong!” the girl sighed. She sounded how Haru was beginning to feel – irritated. Why were these kids at his gate? If they were there, Makoto wouldn’t be able to visit. “And think how happy she’ll be if we bring back loads of fish for dinner! Big brother will be super impressed too!”

The boy grumbled something inaudible, before getting louder and saying “But why would the river spirit live here? It’s the Nanases’ house, isn’t it?”

“The shrine’s probably in the garden somewhere,” the girl said. “Big brother says he talks to the spirit here, so it has to be.”

Now Haru was less irritated, and more bewildered. He had no idea who these kids were – he assumed children of one of the families on his parents’ land if they knew who lived here – and he had even less of an idea about what they were talking about. River spirit? Shrine? This big brother of theirs was probably making it up. 

He wanted to get back to his book, but there was no way he was going to be able to ignore them. He could have just gone over and told them to leave – that the spot on the other side of the gates was not for them – but that would risk him getting caught up in their conversation. So he just sat back and hoped they would move on soon enough, only half paying attention to their growing argument. 

“You just want to see a spirit!” the boy accused.

“I do not! I want to get him to help me catch fish!”

“You want to see the pretty spirit! The moment big brother started talking about him, you were desperate to see him!”

“Shut up, Ren! I’m trying to pray,” The arguing stopped, and Haru heard a few claps of prayer before the girl started talking again. “Mr River Spirit? If you’re there, can you come out please? We really want to catch some fish!”

Silence. 

“See, the spirit doesn’t like you.”

“Shut up! Maybe he’s just in a different form because he doesn’t know us… he might even be that bush!”

“I don’t think–”

“Mr River Spirit, can you talk to us in the beautiful human form?”

“You _do_ just want to see him! Him and his ‘big, beautiful, blue eyes’!”

There was a sound, followed by a loud “OUCH, RAN!” and Haru felt his lips twitch in amusement. Children were very strange. 

“Please, Mr River Spirit! Come on out?”

“I don’t think he’s coming, Ran…”

“No fair. Why does big brother get to see the beautiful man?”

“Maybe the spirit likes him–”

“REN, RAN!”

Haru jumped; he definitely recognised this new voice. There was no way he wouldn’t; even panicked and squeaky, only Makoto’s voice could bring about the pang in Haru’s chest. Now he did lean forward, desperately trying to peer through the leaves for a decent look at the new arrival at the gate. 

His eyes widened as Makoto’s shape appeared and grabbed the two children by the shoulders. 

“What are you two doing?” he asked, voice hurried and stressed. 

“We just wanted to see the river spirit!” the girl said, sounding offended that Makoto had stopped them. 

Makoto let out a squeak of worry, and seemed to be leaning closer to the gate – was he looking inside the garden?

“Just go back to fishing, _please_. You shouldn’t have left the gear by itself…” Makoto said quietly. 

“Who’s going to steal it around here?” the girl complained. “The river spirit?”

“Stop talking about that! Just go!” 

From what little Haru could make out, Makoto was pushing the two children back along the river bank. Deciding now was the best time to come out from his hidden seat, Haru closed his book and stood, starting to quietly dodge between the shrubberies in his way to get to the gate. When he was in clear view, he realised Makoto now had his back to the garden – perhaps watching the children walk away? Haru wasn’t used to starting the conversation – that was Makoto’s job – but it was clear Makoto wasn’t even aware of Haru’s presence behind him. 

So, Haru went ahead and spoke. “What spirit?”

He’d never seen a person jump so high in his life. Makoto leapt, yelping in shock as he spun, his eyes widening in horror as he saw Haru standing at the gate. Haru watched without another word, taking in the way Makoto’s eyes widened; the green shining bright before his pupils grew wide. Haru frowned slightly; unsure of what those reactions meant. That was another thing that always annoyed him when he was with Makoto: expressions and body language meanings were lost on Haru – he couldn’t tell what anyone was thinking – but Makoto _always_ knew. He understood every head tilt, every blink, right down to how deeply Haru breathed. He expected to feel unsettled – that Makoto knew every thought that passed over his face, but Haru never knew exactly what he was thinking – but actually… whilst it may have been slightly frustrating at times, Haru found it oddly… comforting.

What he _did_ know about Makoto, was that when he blushed so violently even his ears turned red, it meant he was really embarrassed about something. What, Haru couldn’t have guessed. 

“Y-you were there? This whole time?” Makoto asked. Haru’s eyebrows narrowed a touch when he saw Makoto take a step back – a small step, but a step nonetheless. 

Turning to motion through the trees to the bench he’d been sitting at, and holding the book up with his other hand, Haru hoped that would be enough for Makoto to understand. He seemed to, as he grew even redder (Haru didn’t realise that was possible) and covered his face with his hands, mumbling something into them that Haru couldn’t quite make out. 

“You know them?” Haru ended up asking. 

Makoto blinked, seemingly confused by Haru’s question. “Oh, that’s my brother and sister!” he said, a small smile reappearing on his face. “I thought I’ve mentioned them before.”

Haru nodded; Makoto had mentioned younger siblings before, a lot, and Haru had actually seen them from a distance when they were out. Honestly though, he’d expected Makoto’s siblings to be… well, similar to Makoto. He thought they would have something of Makoto’s calm and gentle demeanour about them. Those two had just been… _loud_.

He wasn’t sure if Makoto got all that from his nod, but he gave a small chuckle and ran a hand through his hair, glancing back over him in the direction the two children had gone. “They’re a handful, alright.”

“What spirit?” 

Makoto flinched as Haru repeated his first question. The smile fell and he turned back to Haru – though his gaze dropped to the floor. “I… er…”

“There’s no river spirit here,” Haru continued, frowning as he tried to recall if such a thing ever cropped up in his past conversations with Makoto. 

“I know there’s not…” Makoto muttered. “I just told them there was…”

“Why?”

Makoto was unbelievably red. “Because they were asking why I always snuck off to stand by the gate. So I said I was… speaking to the river spirit…”

Haru’s frown deepened. “But you were just coming to talk to me.”

With another squeak of embarrassment, Makoto slapped his hands over his face. Haru couldn’t understand it; what was making Makoto so flustered about this conversation? And why on earth would he tell his siblings he was talking to a spirit when it was just… 

His eyebrows inched upwards as it hit him. 

_He_ was the ‘river spirit’. 

Makoto’s siblings had been trying to call _him _out.__

__Apparently Makoto had been peeking through his fingers at Haru, as he picked up on the changes in his face as he realised what was going on, and nearly bent double in total humiliation._ _

__“Why did they have to come over?” Makoto moaned into his hands. Haru chewed the inside of his cheek, putting his weight onto one leg and looking aside. Makoto’s head snapped up – face redder than anything Haru had ever seen – and snapped. “Don’t laugh, Haru!”_ _

__“I’m not laughing.”_ _

__“That’s your laughing face. Stop it!”_ _

__Feeling closer to an audible laugh than he had in a while, Haru tried to recompose himself – if only to stop Makoto looking so brilliantly flustered. Looking back at him, he tilted his head to the side. “So, why am I a river spirit?”_ _

__“Well… if I told them I was just talking to the Nanase son… they’d want to come with me,” Makoto seemed to curl in on himself; his tall, broad body suddenly appearing smaller to Haru. “And this is…” His fingers ran down one of the iron bars that stood between them. “This is my spot.”_ _

__The pang was back. Haru quickly turned his head away – hoping Makoto wouldn’t read the embarrassment on his face. It was less about the fact he’d been called a ‘river spirit’, and more because he’d had the exact same thought as Makoto not five minutes ago: that spot at the gate was his, and his alone._ _

__Words didn’t come for either of them for a while after that. They stood, avoiding eye contact and letting the silence wrap around them until the embarrassment faded enough to let them both feel confident enough to let the other see their face. When they did look back at one another, Makoto was almost back to his proper colour – just a slight blush still residing in his cheeks – and Haru felt pretty sure that his thoughts weren’t plastered across his forehead. After a few moments, Makoto laughed and Haru smiled._ _

__“I should really go and help them fish,” Makoto said, voice quiet. “We need to go back with _something_ for dinner.”_ _

__“They can’t do it themselves?” Haru found himself asking. He didn’t want Makoto to head off just yet; they’d barely spoken at all today._ _

__Makoto looked elated at Haru’s question, but shook his head helplessly. “Ran is too impatient to fish properly, and Ren gets too upset and just throws his fish back.”_ _

__Haru could believe it, so he didn’t reply._ _

__Shifting slightly, Makoto rubbed his neck. “If you want… you could come sit with us? We’re just a little upstream, and there’s plenty of riverbank–”_ _

__“No.”_ _

__Makoto sighed. “You won’t be near the river itself…”_ _

__Haru felt his features tightening. He knew how the river thought; no matter how careful you were, it was just waiting to attack. It didn’t matter if he was just on the riverbank; he wouldn’t go near that monster._ _

__Makoto’s hands wrapped around the bars, leaning closer. “You’ll be safe. We won’t even sit that close. I’ll be there, Haru. I won’t let anything happen to you. I promise.”_ _

__The pang was back with a vengeance now. Haru wasn’t sure how to deal with it; the strength of the discomfort in his chest was nearly unbearable. It was all he could do not to clutch at his shirt – but then Makoto would definitely notice. Instead, he turned his head sharply again: he would _not_ go to the river. The mere thought was sending his heart racing… at least, he assumed the fear was to blame for that. _ _

__“It’s ok…” Makoto said calmly. “You don’t have to force yourself. But I should really be off… So I’ll have to see you tomorrow instead.”_ _

__Haru let his eyes drift over just enough to watch Makoto give him a warm smile before he started to turn and wander off towards his siblings. He didn’t like it… watching Makoto’s hands slip from around those bars._ _

__“If you change your mind,” Makoto added quickly. “I’ll just be down there.”_ _

__And he left, leaving Haru to grip the book in his hands tighter. It didn’t matter. It was Makoto who was the stupid one; after all these years of Haru’s warnings, he still spent so much time by that river… He was asking to be dragged down by the water, really. Haru was the sensible one. He was safe behind this gate. It was always there to be his barrier against the water on the other side._ _

__If Makoto also happened to be on the other side of that barrier, that wasn’t Haru’s fault._ _

__He took a step back towards the bench he’d been sitting at earlier – with every intention to return to reading – but after that first step his body felt so heavy he couldn’t move any further. Now he did clutch at his shirt; willing his heart to stop pounding so ridiculously hard. Mixed alongside it, was the usual hollowness that always appeared when Makoto had to leave. It would sit there in his body until tomorrow morning, probably, where the impatience would fill it back up until Makoto came to visit again._ _

__His feelings weren’t something he was particularly in tune with – hell, he’d had plenty of people at school accuse him of not having any emotions at all. And back when he was younger, Haru believed they were true; that the ‘feelings’ he had weren’t real, simply because they didn’t show on his face. But the moment Makoto had stood in his bedroom and said he looked thoughtful, Haru had started to realise that all those people had been wrong. He felt things too; and year after year spent with Makoto, they seemed to grow stronger and clearer._ _

__Right now, another one of these feelings was becoming clear to Haru._ _

__He wanted to be with Makoto for a little longer._ _

__And just like that, he was pushing fear aside, and facing the gate once more. A shaking hand reached out and moved the stiff, unused bolt._ _

__And Haru opened the gate._ _


	4. Beyond the Bars

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Haru steps out onto the river bank, and (surprisingly) doesn't immediately panic.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i am the master of cheesy chapter titles, i swear
> 
> big thank you to [dontenz](http://dontenz.tumblr.com/) for beta-ing! this chapter barely made any sense at times when i first sent it off... i should sleep more...  
> anyways, hope you guys enjoy ^^ 
> 
> you can find me on tumblr at [freckledbodty](http://freckledbodty.tumblr.com)!

The river bank was steep; the treacherous waters could only be seen once you near the edge. Today the river flowed steadily, lapping gently against the grass and slicing smoothly through the farmland on its way through the country towards the ocean. Today the river was being deceptive. 

Haru shot a weary glare at the water, giving it a silent warning that he knew its true intentions. Its calm exterior did not deceive him. He knew the monster was lurking beneath that crystal blue surface. He stepped through the gate, feet touching down on the uncut grass on the other side, but his hand stayed tightly gripped around the metal bars. It wasn’t a conscious action; just his body taking control of the panic that was starting to etch its way through his nerves. Well… a step outside of the garden was pretty good for someone who’d spent nearly eighteen years never even thinking of stepping onto the river bank. 

His eyes wandered up and down the river, until he spotted Makoto and his siblings a little way down his river. He did have to wonder why they were fishing on Haru’s side, as opposed to just below their house; why use the extra energy and go all the way over the bridge and back? It didn’t make sense. Still, looking over at them – Makoto desperately arguing with the little girl about something, and the boy sneaking a fish they’d just caught back into the river – Haru felt strangely warm. 

Makoto sighed, letting out a laugh and ruffling the girl’s (Ren? Or wait, was that Ran?) hair, before turning to wander away from her. His eyes landed on Haru and widened, shining in a way Haru felt he didn’t deserve. The smile in his eyes was like liquid, seeping through every pore of Haru’s body. It was a water he didn’t mind, and yet it was drowning him. 

His fingers slackened, hand dropping from the gate, and just like that, with that one smile, he was walking. 

His body was pressed flat against the garden wall, his feet shaking as each moved ahead of the other. But still he was walking. 

When he finally neared Makoto and his siblings, Haru stopped – breath much heavier than it should have been, and heart racing at a speed he didn’t even think was possible. He kept his eyes locked on Makoto; too terrified to look at the rushing water, but holding Makoto’s steady gaze seemed to calm him. Not much, but it calmed him a little. 

It took a few seconds of them both standing still, but eventually Makoto gave a nod – like he was satisfied and proud of how Haru had done – and started jogging up the hill to meet him. He stood in front of Haru, smiling down at him so warmly that Haru now had to drop his gaze – his eyes flickered down to stare at the grass between them. 

“Good job, Haru.”

A warmth flooded Haru’s cheeks, and he lowered his head even further for fear Makoto might spot his reddening cheeks.

“Ren! Don’t put them back!” 

“I don’t want to eat it!”

The squealing voices from the river made both Makoto and Haru look over. The girl was tugging on the boy’s shirt as he tried to drop another fish back into the river. But it wasn’t the fighting or the screeching that was making Haru’s heart leap in panic; it was the fact they were both standing ankle deep in the water. 

“Hey, guys!” Makoto shouted. “Cut it out!”

He turned, moving down the bank towards the water, and in that second Haru’s heart exploded. 

“Mako–!” One step forward, and Haru was grabbing the back of Makoto’s shirt, clinging onto it so tightly his hands tingled in pain. 

Freezing in place, Makoto glanced over his shoulder – trailing his eyes from the hand gripping his shirt up to Haru’s panicked face. 

“Haru…”

Now his cheeks were definitely red, but Haru didn’t even care. His lips trembled as he spoke. “T-the water… it’s dangerous.” It was odd; he was so used to seeing Makoto go in the river, and whilst he was always nervous witnessing it, now, standing right on the bank alongside him, the thought of Makoto going anywhere near that treacherous blue was just… unbearable. 

The smile that graced Makoto’s face in the next moment made Haru’s breath catch. His took Haru’s hand and pulled it off his shirt, but kept a hold. Makoto’s hand was warm, encasing Haru with a pleasant reassurance. “It’s ok, Haru. I promise, it’s completely safe,” Makoto pointed back to his siblings – the twins were now having a full-on brawl in the river – and stroked his thumb across Haru’s hand. “The current is weak today.”

His words didn’t do much to soothe Haru; the water was never weak, or at least, it was never as weak as it seemed. He made no move to pull away from Makoto, but did shift his gaze to the side as he tried to regain control over his expression. 

“Ren, Ran! No going in the water today! Come on, get out.”

“Ehh? Why?”

“You’ll scare away the fish. On the bank, or you’re cleaning out the pigs tomorrow.”

There was a panicked scramble from the twins as they raced back to dry land and plonked themselves back on the grass at their fishing posts. Haru blinked, feeling the panic starting to subside. 

“Will you come down a little?”

It took a moment for Haru to process that those words were directed at him. Looking back at Makoto, he realised the farm boy was giving him a cautious smile – one that a mother might give to a nervous child. 

“I’m not going near the water,” Haru said – voice harsh and sure. 

“Not near the water. Just a little further down the bank, closer to Ren and Ran,” Makoto said. “We’ll just sit. We won’t be anywhere near the water, I promise. I’ll keep a hold of you, Haru.”

Makoto squeezed Haru’s hand as if to prove the point, and gave one tentative step back – eyes never leaving Haru’s face. And, when he took another step, Haru stepped with him. 

It was harder than walking alongside the wall, stepping closer to the river waiting below, but Makoto’s hand was warm, and its hold on Haru was firm, supportive. The cold blue before him ran on; watching him with a quiet gaze, judging each and every step. Haru awkwardly gulped in air – suddenly aware that he’d been holding his breath. 

_No more. No further._

Makoto moved directly into his line of vision, completely blocking sight of the deadly river beyond. Haru blinked, and as he stared up into Makoto’s calm and caring eyes he suddenly felt like he could breathe again. 

“That’s enough, Haru. You did well,” Makoto whispered. 

They stopped, though Haru wasn’t really sure how far they had actually gotten. Makoto didn’t let go of his hand, and didn’t move his gaze away; he just kept on smiling at Haru as he lowered himself down to the grass, softly tugging Haru’s hand to make him follow suit. Haru did follow, albeit slightly dazed and confused as to what exactly had just happened – he couldn’t tell if it was the sudden bursts of fear that were causing this dreamy sensation, or something about keeping his gaze locked with the deep green of Makoto eyes. Either way, it was only when he was sitting against the grass, Makoto now sat beside him, their hands still tangled between them that Haru had enough courage to turn and look at the river. 

They’d walked a good way down the bank – there must have only been six or seven steps between Haru and that damned water. He flinched at a loud splash, but Makoto’s hand tightened around his again to calm him. 

“Ran! Don’t toss it in so harshly!” Makoto called over to the girl. 

She looked back at Makoto and made to roll her eyes, but instead she looked at Haru and frowned in thought. Haru could almost see her mind working as she tried to work out who he was, and he also spotted the exact moment it clicked and her eyes widened. 

“Brother! Is that the river spirit?”

Oh… and here Haru had thought she had realised he was an actual person. Apparently he was wrong. 

Makoto was turning red again beside him. “Ran, j-just fish will you!”

The other one – the boy – was now looking over too. “Why are you holding his hand?”

“Ren!”

Though his siblings kept shooting questions at him, Makoto didn’t remove his hand from Haru’s. Their hands were now folded together and sitting on Haru’s knee – Haru must have moved his hand without realising, and Makoto must have just followed. 

“But he’s just like how you described the river spirit!” the girl was yelling. 

“That’s not important!” Makoto shouted back. 

Haru was so busy examining their joined hands on his knee that he didn’t notice the young boy had wandered over, and was now crouching beside him. 

A small finger tapped his shoulder. “Mr Spirit? Do you eat fish?”

Now, Haru _could_ have took this moment to explain that he wasn’t a spirit, simply the son of their landlord. But the boy was looking at him with such awe, such interest, that Haru felt… inclined to play along. 

“Yes.”

“So… you eat fish out of your river?”

“Yes.” It wasn’t a total lie – lots of local fisherman gave Haru’s family fish from this very river. 

“What’s your favourite fish?”

“Mackerel.”

The boy nodded, deep in thought, like Haru had just given him a piece of important worldly knowledge. He stood, hurrying back to his fishing gear and setting it up to start again. 

“Ok! I’ll catch some mackerel for the river spirit!” the boy shouted. 

“H-hey, no, I want to catch some for the river spirit!” the girl whined, quickly copying her brother. In moments, they were both diligently fishing again. 

Makoto laughed softly. “If they’re going to get this excited, maybe you should always come with us when we’re working.”

Haru didn’t say that he wouldn’t mind that at all… (Well, as long as it didn’t involve being any closer to the water). 

“Still…” Makoto lowered his voice and suddenly leant in close. Haru felt his heart rate pick up as Makoto’s shoulder brushed his, and their faces drew closer. “I don’t want to see how they react when they find out mackerel is a sea fish…”

The twins spent the next hour or so arguing and desperately trying to catch some mackerel – they caught fish, which Makoto seemed to be relieved about, but, for obvious reasons, mackerel wasn’t something they came across. They were funny, those two kids; one minute they were getting along well – singing together, or telling Makoto and Haru stories they made up about the creature who roamed the farmer’s fields at night, and the next they were screaming bloody murder at one another over the silliest of things. Haru was actually enjoying himself. 

As the sky was starting to dim, he realised his grandmother might start to worry about where he was, so he turned to tell Makoto. 

He didn’t even get the first syllable of Makoto’s name out before he fell silent again. Makoto was staring at their hands – still joined on top of Haru’s knee – a dazed smile on his face. Haru wasn’t sure how long he’d been doing that, but somehow he got the feeling it had been quite a while. 

Haru found himself watching Makoto for a moment longer, taking in the long eyelashes, the slight redness in his tanned cheeks. His hair was tousled from the breeze, and his fringe was dancing across his forehead. 

The pang in Haru’s chest was back.

“Makoto.”

“Hm?” Makoto blinked, eyes finally flicking up to Haru’s face.

“I need to go.”

The smile fell from Makoto’s face. “Why?” Haru just looked to the sky, and that was all it took for Makoto to get the message. “A-ah… of course. Sorry, I’ve been keeping you.”

“It’s fine.” 

“I’ll walk you back!”

“You don’t–”

Makoto didn’t even wait to listen, he just pushed up off the ground – hand still gripping Haru’s, and pulling Haru up with him – and looked at his siblings, who’d looked round to see what was happening. “Start packing up guys, I’m just taking Haru back.”

The twins both called back acknowledgements, and Makoto started heading back up the hill. 

Haru let himself be dragged up the bank, eyes trailing across the broad muscles of Makoto’s back. The funny pang in his chest wouldn’t give up today, it seemed, as the longer he stared, the stronger it got. In an attempt to mute it, Haru shifted his gaze to the side. They wandered along the wall, and they were standing at the iron gate before Haru even knew it. 

“You seemed more comfortable walking back,” Makoto said. Honestly, Haru hadn’t even noticed he hadn’t been nervous about the water… 

“Well… thank you for today, Haru,” With another of his ridiculously warm smiles, Makoto squeezed Haru’s hand again. “I’m really happy you faced your fears.”

_I only did it for you,_ Haru thought to himself. The moment the words crossed his mind, he glanced to Makoto, wondering if he’d picked up on that. 

The two stood there in silence. Haru made no move to step inside the garden, and Makoto made no move to step away. Their hands remained entwined between them; the thought of losing that warmth around him made Haru’s chest ache. 

“I should really…” Makoto trailed off, like even he didn’t want to finish the words. He still remained where he was. 

Haru couldn’t stand it. “Makoto?”

Makoto looked up, eyes wide in expectation. Haru felt flustered all of a sudden – it was like Makoto already knew what Haru was going to say, and was willing him to say it faster.

“T-tomorrow… I’m free.”

The whole of Makoto’s face lit up. And he said _Haru_ was the one that was easily read…

“I have to help out my parents, but I can probably finish by lunch,” Makoto scratched the back of his neck, eyes darting here, there, and everywhere shyly. “If you want to… maybe meet?”

“Y-yeah… Ok.”

“Then… we can meet here? At 2?”

Haru nodded. 

Makoto grinned. “I look forward to it, Haru.”

Feeling his face heating up rapidly, Haru gave one last nod before hurrying back through the gate and into his garden. His and Makoto’s hands stayed gripped until the last possible second, when they slipped apart, and Haru felt an emptiness take a hold of him. Once he was through, he turned to watch Makoto pull the iron gate closed. 

Makoto’s fingers wrapped around the iron bars, his eyes turning tender. “See you later, Haru.”

Haru couldn’t reply. He couldn’t even speak. He just sprinted towards the house – not even bothering to return to the bench to retrieve his book from earlier. The kitchen door slammed behind him, and his grandmother was standing over the stove stirring a pot of something. She jumped in surprise, but Haru just kept his head down and rushed past her. 

“Haruka? Is something wrong?”

His footsteps echoed through the house as Haru ran up the stairs, and when he at last made it to his bedroom, he shut the door with such force that some of the books on his desk toppled onto the floor. 

He gasped.

Slapping a hand over his burning cheeks, Haru slid down the door until he reached the floor with a heavy _thump_. His heart was pounding. His body was trembling. And the pang in his chest had completely taken over – now it rang around his head mockingly, as Haru tried to work out what it was. 

And his hand, his hand that had been settled in Makoto’s so perfectly for so long, felt so very cold.


	5. Nothing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This time when Makoto comes over, he really _sees_ Haru's room and what it means. And he doesn't like what he sees.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THIS IS SO LATE. Apologies for the late update: the holidays were not a break by any stretch of the imagination... hopefully we'll be back to more regular updates now, especially now I've got most chapters for this guy set out and planned ^^  
> Much love to my [bestie](http://a-norwegians-fitness-journey.tumblr.com/) who beta-ed for me! 
> 
> You can find me on tumblr at [freckledbodty](http://freckledbodty.tumblr.com). Thanks for reading!

Haru’s morning was spent sitting impatiently in the living room, staring down at a book that didn’t seem to make sense to him today, and glancing up at the clock that never seemed to move. By lunch time even his grandmother was growing stressed at how jumpy he was, and told him maybe he should go take a walk or have a relaxing bath; she didn’t understand. She just didn’t understand how difficult it was to focus when that strange pang shot through his chest whenever he thought of Makoto’s upcoming visit. By the time the clock struck one in the afternoon, Haru thought he’d go insane with waiting, and his grandmother had resorted to looking at him in silent pity. 

Then two o’clock came.

Haru was sitting in the kitchen refusing to even register the time, when he heard the large clock in the hallway chime at the hour mark. The pang shot through him almost as fast as he shot out of his seat and sprinted out the back door. He vaguely heard his grandmother complaining that he’d left the door open, but he was too busy racing through the garden to that iron gate. 

He stretched out his fingers, wrapping them around the cold iron, and his body slammed against it a moment later. He gulped in air, and pressed his face close against the gate to try to spot any signs of life on the other side of the river. He didn’t need to search long.

Another pair of hands tangled around the metal bars, and a body appeared suddenly from the left. 

Makoto’s smile was the warmest thing Haru had ever experienced. 

“Haru.”

Haru fought against the tightness in his chest, and dared to let the corners of his mouth lift upwards slightly. “Makoto.”

Makoto beamed at the sound of his name. “I’m not late am I?” A light sheen covered his skin; he must have been running really fast to get here. He also didn’t seem like he’d been working on the farm, as he was wearing clothes that looked clean and (this may have just been Haru’s imagination…) _new_. Haru’s cheeks felt warm as he silently wondered if Makoto had purposefully cleaned himself up just for visiting today. 

“No,” He forced himself to stop thinking about it. “It’s two.” 

Makoto looked relieved, and gave a heavy sigh as he stepped back to allow Haru a moment to open the gate for him. That action still felt odd to Haru – removing the barrier between him and the river – but today he felt unbelievable relief as Makoto stepped through into his garden, and he could lock the gate behind him. With a lingering glare at the river beyond, Haru felt slightly smug now that Makoto was on the safe side of the wall. When the bolt was safely in place, he turned to see Makoto smiling at him. 

Haru was suddenly very aware that he had no idea what to do now that Makoto was here.

Lost for ideas, he started heading back inside, motioning Makoto to follow him. “Work hard?”

“Not any harder than normal,” Makoto laughed. “We’re in the middle of sowing the vegetables for the autumn harvest.”

Haru knew nothing about farming, but he assumed anything to do with it was hard work. They entered the house, and Haru’s grandmother turned to welcome them with a curious glance. 

“Hello Ma’am.” Makoto nodded politely as he took off his shoes. Haru was a little confused to see that Makoto left them outside the door. Thinking Makoto was being ridiculously polite, Haru took it upon himself to move the shoes inside with a roll of his eyes. “Please excuse my intrusion.” 

“No excuse necessary,” Haru’s grandmother snorted. “Haru’s friends are very welcome, lad.”

Makoto looked positively glowing that he’d been referred to as Haru’s ‘friend’. To avoid the two conversing any more than necessary, Haru grabbed Makoto’s sleeve and started dragging him through the house. 

“This place always seems so breath-taking…” Makoto mused as Haru led him though the hall and up the staircase. 

Haru glanced at him. “Why?”

“I’ve never been anywhere so big and fancy! It’s like a palace!” 

Haru almost laughed at that; Makoto may have thought the house was extravagant, but he didn’t know that it was nothing more than a decorated empty shell of a building. There was no life in this place, and Haru despised it. Even when they reached his bedroom, Makoto was looking around with stars in his eyes, and Haru couldn’t feel anything but how bland this room felt too. 

“You’re going to need a bigger bedroom if you keep getting so many books, Haru,” Makoto laughed, wandering over and skimming the spines on show. He pointed to some of the piles on the floor and cocked an eyebrow. “Already overflowing, huh?”

Haru shrugged, and wandered across to his window to lean against it. Makoto slowly scanned more and more of his bookshelves, picking out one or two to examine them closer. As he was flicking through one (a romance, if Haru remembered correctly), he smiled. “You must really love books.”

Haru frowned. Makoto picked up on his confusion immediately and mirrored it. “I mean, you’ve got so many books, after all.”

“I don’t particularly like them.” Haru wasn’t sure what having a lot of books had to do with liking them. 

Closing the book in his hands, Makoto glanced back around the room. “Then… why do you read all the time? You don’t have anything else in here either.”

“My parents just give them to me to keep me occupied,” Turning his head to look out the window behind him, Haru hoped the discussion would be over soon. He didn’t want Makoto to start thinking he was weird. “I read them to keep myself occupied.”

“So, what do you do for fun?” Makoto left the book on the desk and stepped closer to Haru. “What do you like to do?”

“Nothing.”

“Nothing?”

Haru sighed. He turned and caught Makoto’s gaze. “Nothing.”

Hoping that was the end of that, Haru turned back to the window and stared out across the fields the stretched out below. The river was extremely quiet tonight; not a single ripple or wave could be seen on its smooth, misleading surface. It was like it was watching him, staring up through the window and spying on his time with Makoto. Haru was suddenly hit with the sudden urge to draw the curtains. 

“Ah, I left my window open!”

Haru’s hand was slightly raised to shut the curtains when something pressed against his back. It wasn’t pushing particularly hard against him – just sort of _there_ – but it sent a strange sensation across his skin, like an itch that needed to be scratched. His breath caught as one of Makoto’s hands leant against the window beside him. He was sure he should have felt trapped, contained and stuck between Makoto’s body and the glass, but… he felt oddly calm. The pang was back in his chest, sure, but he didn’t feel like running way or trying to escape; in fact, he wanted Makoto to stay there for as long as possible. 

Maybe he was going crazy?

“I hope it doesn’t rain…” Makoto sighed, and Haru realised he should probably tune back into what he was saying. He glanced over towards Makoto’s house and scanned the windows along the side facing the river. Sure enough, the middle one was wide open. 

Swallowing the lump in his throat, Haru asked, “Is that your room?”

“Yep, that’s mine.”

“Can you see my window from there?” Haru swivelled his head just enough to get a glimpse of Makoto’s face. Makoto turned a little red and laughed. 

“Ah… yeah, I can. When it’s about time for you to come back from school, I check if your curtains are shut at night,” He scratched his neck. “N-Not in a creepy way! It’s just so I know when you’re back…”

Makoto seemed embarrassed, so Haru shrugged to try and comfort him. “I don’t mind.” He really didn’t; usually the thought of someone seeing him when he couldn’t see them was unnerving, but with Makoto he honestly didn’t really care. Maybe it was because Makoto could read him so well anyway, or something. Besides, he felt a strange closeness knowing that he and Makoto could see each others bedroom windows. 

Yeah. He really was going crazy. 

“Ah! Sorry, Haru!” Makoto’s warmth vanished from his back. “I didn’t even notice I was that close.”

Haru turned and took in Makoto’s reddening face. He wanted to say that he didn’t mind in the slightest. He also wanted to say that if he was sorry, he shouldn’t have done it in the first place. But, he just shrugged again and hoped Makoto got the message. He seemed to and gave Haru one of those breath-taking smiles that always made the pang in his chest stronger. 

He moved to sit on his bed, folding his legs under himself and watched as Makoto returned to scanning the books in his room. 

“Hey Haru…” Makoto’s voice was quiet, solemn, and Haru wasn’t sure how to react to that. “Is there anything you _want_ to do? Anything you want to try, or a goal you have for the future?”

Haru frowned; what did that have to do with anything. It seemed Makoto was still fretting over his lack of hobbies for some reason. “Not really.”

Leaning against Haru’s desk, Makoto seemed downtrodden. “I want to travel. I want to get out of farming and out of this tiny life and do something bigger. That’s why I try so hard in school; the more I learn, the further I can get.”

Haru wasn’t sure why Makoto was telling him this, but he went along with it anyway. “You don’t like farming?”

“It’s not that I don’t like it… I think the work is really valuable, and so many people rely on what we provide… I just don’t want to be stuck on one tiny farm forever, you know?” Makoto shuffled his feet as he stared down at them. “Do you want to be living here forever?”

“No.”

Even Haru was surprised at how certain he sounded. He hadn’t really thought about the future, what he could be doing. He just knew he couldn’t spend any second longer than necessary trapped in this shell labelled a house. He couldn’t be chained to the life his parents led. He wouldn’t. 

But he also didn’t know what else he could do.

“Haru… if you saw the outside world a little more, maybe you’d find something you truly loved more than anything else,” Haru lifted his gaze to Makoto, somewhat taken aback by the claim. Makoto looked serious though. More than serious, he looked desperate. “I don’t want you to be stuck here with a room full of things you don’t really care about. I want  
you to be happy.”

Haru blinked. “Am I unhappy?”

“Aren’t you?”

Haru had never thought about his life like that before. He’d never liked living in this house. He’d never liked sitting here with nothing to do but read. He’d never liked having nothing to look forward to but the chance that Makoto might visit. But he’d never thought that all that meant he was unhappy. 

“Haru.”

Without Haru even noticing, Makoto had crossed the room and stood right before him. 

“Haru. Let me teach you how to swim.”

Time stopped. 

The two stared at one another silently. Haru could feel Makoto carefully examining his thoughts and feelings, measuring how far he’d stepped over the line. All Haru could do was just stare. 

“If you can conquer your fear of water, you can do anything you want,” Makoto went on. “Swim in the river, and what can’t you do?”

Haru took in a shaky breath. “Why? Why that?”

“The world is full of rivers, Haru. Everywhere you go, you’ll find another river. Cross one, and you can cross them all,” Makoto knelt at the bedside. He took Haru’s hand, sending a flood of warmth through him. “I’ll help you. I swear nothing will happen to you with me there.”

Makoto had always had a way of unlocking Haru’s doors, but now he was just smashing down the walls instead. And Haru was terrified. His gaze flickered over to the window, and though he couldn’t see down the river from this angle, he could sense it listening; it was waiting silently to hear his answer, laughing at his fear, daring him to agree. 

“Tomorrow,” Makoto whispered. “Tomorrow I’ll be at the gate. If you think you can do this, then come at the same time as today. I don’t want to force you, Haru, but I think you need to try.”

Haru’s eyes jolted back to Makoto as he realised he was standing up to leave. The pang turned painful at the thought of watching Makoto go, so he held tight to his hand, refusing to let him take even one step closer to the door. 

“Why?” he asked again. “Why do you want me to?”

“I told you. Because I think conquering this will–”

“No. Why _you_?”

With a small smile, Makoto dropped his gaze. “I just… don’t want the river to be standing between us forever. It’s a little selfish, I suppose. Besides,” He squeezed Haru’s hand and met his eyes again. Haru felt like someone had knocked the air out of his lungs; Makoto looked at him with such tender eyes. “I think you’d look really beautiful in the water, Haru.”


	6. Once Upon A Time

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Makoto is sure Haru can get in the water, and Haru is sure things didn't turn out anything like he expected. 
> 
> He's also sure he's happy with the developments.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SO. I finish uni in one week... 
> 
> Basically that means, that in one week, I will officially have no work of any sorts for pretty much two months. Those two months will be filled with many updates as an apology for how busy I've been this semester. 
> 
> I'm hoping to wrap up a lot of my fics before August as I'm moving to Japan, and with all the free time I have until then, I don't see why I won't be able to!
> 
> Thank you all for being so patient as I'm finishing uni :D Sorry for the wait, hopefully this chapter makes up for it ;)
> 
> You can find me on tumblr at [freckledbodty!](http://freckledbodty.tumblr.com)

The next morning, Haru didn’t get out of bed. 

He lay there, hidden and safe beneath his duvet, too afraid to look outside to check how late in the day it was. His grandmother came in at some point, asking if he was planning to get up, and he muttered something about a stomach ache that she probably didn’t believe. Still, she let him be, and he was grateful for it. Honestly, his stomach really did feel awful: the conflicting emotions were fighting for control over his body, leaving his stomach a mess of nerves and fear and guilt and all-around nasty feelings.

He wanted to see Makoto. He wanted to go out there for Makoto. He didn’t want to let him down…

…but he couldn’t swim. He couldn’t go near the water, and it killed him. 

At some point, he couldn’t make himself lay there any longer, and he sat up – body and mind groggy from hibernating all morning long. The sun was glaring through the gaps in the curtains (Makoto would have seen if he opened them), clearly a beautiful summer day lay behind them. 

He got up, changed into the first things he found in his drawers, and headed downstairs with his curtains still drawn. The large clock in the hallway said it was already nearly two. His stomach was hit with a new wave of guilt as he imagined Makoto standing waiting by the gate for Haru to come by. It wasn’t fair on him, Haru knew that… so maybe he should just go out and tell him not to bother. Maybe he should own up to the fact that his fear controlled him, and that Makoto should just stop this ridiculous plot before it started. Yes, that was the right thing to do. 

He moved through the kitchen, stepping into some shoes and getting yet more looks of his grandmother who was eating lunch there. “You haven’t eaten yet,” she said. “You shouldn’t go out until you do.”

“I won’t be out for long.” Without any other explanation, he stepped outside into the garden. 

It really was a gorgeous day; the sun was warm and inviting, the breeze was subtly cool against your skin, and the world seemed brighter and more vibrant than ever. No one stood at the gate yet, and Haru walked over to it with legs that felt as heavy and stiff as the iron bars themselves. He briefly glanced down at the river, as deceivingly calm as it was yesterday, and felt a swirl of fear in his stomach once again. 

He was sure he could only have been standing there for a few minutes at most, but it felt like hours before he heard the light padding of footsteps against the grass coming towards him. He stared hard at the pebbled path beneath him, doubtful of his ability to meet Makoto’s eyes today.

“Haru.”

Makoto’s voice was as soft and reassuring as ever – Haru was sure there was a relieved smile on his face; he probably thought Haru was here to try to swim. 

He opened his mouth, but no sound came out. His heart was racing almost painfully hard against his ribcage, and he reached up to clutch at his shirt as if that would ease it. Makoto didn’t say anything else, but Haru could feel his eyes on him: waiting and trying to read his thoughts like he usually did so easily. Haru didn’t want him to read his thoughts though, he wanted to say it himself: Makoto deserved honesty. 

His body felt tight, hot, and he was sure he could feel his clothes growing damp with sweat. It was hard to breathe properly, the fear of disappointing Makoto pushing against the fear of the water and clogging up his throat. He squeezed his eyes shut, telling himself he had to do this. He had to tell–

Soft fingertips touched his arm, and Haru’s eyes snapped open as he turned. Makoto stood, arm reaching through the bars, that typical soft smile on his features. “Haru,” he said. “I’m right here. I won’t leave your side, and I won’t let anything happen to you. I promise.”

Haru was so easily lost in those green eyes; the captured him, froze him to the spot where he stood, and he couldn’t make himself look away. His skin was a buzz where Makoto’s fingers sat, and the taller boy tilted his head to the side slightly. 

“Can’t you trust me?”

For a moment, Haru wondered if Makoto Tachibana was one of those creatures he’d read about in books. Sirens, or mermaids; beings that lured men into the water and drowned them. His words certainly seemed like magic, like words that would undoubtedly lead Haru to his doom, but strangely enough, Haru felt like it didn’t matter. If Makoto wanted to lead him away, Haru figured he’d just let him.

And so, he unlocked the gate. 

Makoto’s hand was around his the moment he stepped out onto the bank, squeezing tightly in reassurance. “I won’t let go, Haru.”

Walking closer to the river was easier than it was the other day, which was perhaps strange, seeing as this time he was walking down with the intention of actually going into the water. Makoto seemed to be walking slowly on purpose, perhaps easing Haru into it, and his grip on his hand didn’t slacken. 

“Did you not bring a swimsuit?” Makoto asked, looking Haru up and down briefly. 

Haru really didn’t want to admit that he had never intended to agree to swim, but he had a feeling Makoto already knew that. Still, he just shook his head – he didn’t think he even owned a swimsuit. 

“You can just use your underwear for now,” Makoto said. “We’re not swimming today, anyway. And I’ve brought towels.” He motioned just a bit down the bank where a couple of towels were sitting on the grass. 

“We’re not swimming?” Haru asked as they approached the towels. 

Makoto released his hand, and tugged his shirt over his head. Haru blinked and dropped his gaze to the floor, unsure where to look in this situation. “Nope,” Makoto said, voice still light and cheery. “We’re just going to stand in the water. That way you can get used to the feeling.” He let his shirt fall to the ground, and stepped out of his loose trousers too. Once he straightened up, he started stretching. There was a moment of silence, before Makoto chuckled. “You need to strip, Haru.”

Giving a non-committal hum, Haru started to tug his clothes off. He did it slowly, all-too-aware of Makoto’s eyes on him the whole time. It was only made worse by the fact his body didn’t seem interested in moving like it should; his limbs were ether too stiff or too loose, making him pull his shirt of in awkward jerky motions, and nearly topple over completely when stepping out of his trousers – it was only thanks to a large, warm hand catching his arm that he stayed on his feet. His shoes were next off, and he was sort of grateful that he didn’t put socks on this morning, or else he would have never been able to pull them off without just sitting on the grass to do it. 

He stood still for a moment when he was done, wringing his hands together and staring at the ground, willing it to swallow him up so he could escape this without disappointing Makoto. 

“Haru,” Right on cue, the soft whisper of his name floated up to his ears, and Haru glanced up at Makoto standing beside him. “We just going to stand, ok? All you have to do, is hold onto my hands.”

He stretched his arms out in front of him, palms facing upwards, inviting Haru to take them. Haru’s lips trembled as he met the beautiful green eyes smiling down at him. “I can’t…”

Makoto’s smile didn’t falter. “You couldn’t walk once upon a time. You couldn’t speak either. You couldn’t read or eat or tie a knot. This is just one of those things that you couldn’t do once upon a time,” His hands stayed outstretched, waiting. “I’m not going to force you, Haru, but I’m not going to let you believe it’s impossible either. It’s up to you.”

Over Makoto’s shoulder, Haru could see the water shimmering in the midday sun; the ripples wafting along its surface from the current, undeniably staring straight back at him. Taking a long, shaking breath, he shifted his gaze back to those comforting greens, and reached out. 

Makoto’s eyes crinkled as he smiled, and his fingers wrapped tight around Haru’s hands. Without another word, Makoto took a step back, coaxing Haru forward. It took only a few more steps until Haru could hear a soft _plop_ as Makoto’s feet stepping into the water one at a time. He could feel his lungs struggling, his heart racing in panic and the fear gripping him tight around the throat, and for a second Haru was about to turn and bolt…

“Do you want to come to dinner sometime?”

Makoto’s voice creeped past the panic, his eyes holding Haru’s gaze and forcing him to forget about the river that was a mere step away from him: the closest he had ever let it get. He blinked. Once. Twice. And then the question settled in his mind, and he his thoughts be submerged by it. 

Haru’s voice was shaking as he spoke. “At your house?”

“Yeah,” Makoto nodded. “The twins are adamant that they must see you again, and I don’t think you’ve ever seen my house.”

Makoto took another step back, and this time when Haru followed, he felt his foot gripped by the cold wet. A strangled, panicked gasp escaped his throat, but he was silenced a heartbeat later when Makoto’s hands squeezed his own, demanding his attention. 

“Don’t leave me waiting for an answer, Haru,” Makoto laughed – voice still light and cheery, as if they weren’t stepping straight into the clutches of the beast. Somehow… it worked. 

“Yes,” Haru said, pushing down the choking fear with the help of Makoto’s warm gaze. “I want to.”

“Great! How about the day after tomorrow? We’re having stew, and it’s by far my mum’s greatest creation.”

“What kind?”

“Beef, it’s the only kind to have! All the vegetables are straight from our garden too. The carrots are ridiculously big this year.”

“Really?”

“Yep. All long and thin, when we were pulling them out, I thought they’d be going on forever! Do you like carrots?”

“Mhm. I’m not picky.”

Makoto’s smile widened, and he stopped walking. “Haru,” he whispered. “You’ve done it.”

Confused, Haru just stared at him. “Done what?”

A small chuckle toppled off Makoto’s lips, and he raised his eyebrows as he pointedly glanced downwards.

That’s when Haru became aware of it. Aware of the cool pulse against his body, a light push from some sort of force. He could feel the pebbled ground beneath his feet, stone sticking between his toes. Slowly lowering his eyes, he saw the surface of the water buffeting around the bottom of his ribcage. It wasn’t fear or terror that filled him at that moment – those feelings were already in the back of his mind, merely muffled by the warmth from Makoto’s hands – instead, he felt this strange sense of silence. A quiet in his heart that he’d never felt when thinking about water; a relief of conquering it. 

Another squeeze from Makoto brought him back to his senses, and Haru stared up at him in shock. 

Makoto stepped closer, his hands slipping down Haru’s forearms. “I told you you could do it.”

“I’m in the water…”

“You’re in the water, Haru.”

Haru let out breathy sort of laugh, looking around him more and more as he realised that, yes, they were standing in the very middle of the river. He gripped Makoto’s forearms tighter. “Thank you…”

Makoto shrugged with a smile. “You were the one who did it, Haru.”

A smile lit up Haru’s face, and he tried to step forward – wanted to close the remaining distance between the two of them. 

He was caught off-guard. 

It was like the river had grown sick of watching him feel powerful, feel confident; it wanted to send a reminder that the _water_ was the one in charge. They were in the water, standing in the river’s domain, and Haru shouldn’t think for even a second otherwise. 

He stepped awkwardly, the pebbles and stones off the riverbed suddenly giving way and sliding downstream. Haru’s foot followed them. 

He slipped. 

He didn’t scream – he was too shell-shocked to – but he felt the punch of terror in his gut. He swore he could hear the rush of water as the river laughed. 

Makoto’s arms were around his body, catching him and holding him up before he could topple sideways into the river’s cruel hold. He felt the strength of Makoto’s arms, knew they’d never let him go, but there was no way Haru could be reassured. 

What if the river tried to take Makoto next?

“Let me out…”

The voice didn’t sound like his own – it was weak and scared and pitiful. He didn’t know who he was begging either; only that he needed to get to the safety of the bank. 

“Haru, its ok, you–”

“Let me out!”

He twisted in Makoto’s arms – feet scrambling for the bank despite his fear of being left alone in the water. Makoto must have sensed it, as he kept a tight grip on Haru’s arms, but followed him towards the bank; he was calling out reassurances, every one lost on Haru’s ears. 

His fingers crawled at the earth, twisting around the strands of grass on the bank, hauling himself out of the water’s clutches. He could feel a scream trapped in his throat, his heart clenching so tight it would surely burst, and all Haru could do was focus on his garden wall at the top of the bank. 

He wasn’t aware of when he slipped out of Makoto’s hold, but next thing he knew he was pressed against the stone wall – far, far away from the water – panting and shaking as his knees gave way and he slipped to the floor. Tears stung his eyes, blurring his vision and slipping down his sweat-covered cheeks. 

He’d let Makoto down. 

That was perhaps the worst thing. Not the horrors of the mocking river, but the fact Makoto had believed in him, and Haru had let him down. 

“Haru!”

He couldn’t face him right now, the shame was too fresh. Haru curled into a tighter ball, turning his face into the stone to hide as he heard Makoto sprinting up the bank towards him. 

“Haru, it’s ok. I’m sorry. Everything’s ok.” 

Something was pulled tight round his shoulders, and it took Haru a moment to realise it was a towel. Makoto was crouching down in front of him, rubbing up and down his arms, muttering soothing words that Haru couldn’t quite take in. Even so, every time Makoto moved a little closer, he felt the grip on his throat start to slacken a little, the air start travelling down to his lungs again. Hands cupped his cheeks, brushing the tears away with soft thumb strokes. The quiet whispers continued as the hands calmed him more and more. Somehow, Haru managed to look up and meet Makoto’s eyes again. 

“It was just a little slip,” Makoto was saying, lips curling into a smile when Haru looked at him. “Just the riverbed moving along, they do that all the time. I promise you weren’t in danger.”

Haru nodded. 

“I would have never let anything happen to you. I swear I never will let anything happen to you.”

Another nod. 

It was Makoto’s turn to relax again; he let out a breathy laugh, shaking his head as his shoulder sunk. His thumbs continued to caress Haru’s skin. “I won’t make you do it again. You did amazing enough today.”

“I want to.”

It took both boys a moment to realise that Haru had indeed just spoken. Makoto stared down at him with just as much surprise on his face as Haru probably had. After collecting his thoughts, Haru forced himself to speak again. 

“I don’t want to stop there,” he said. “I don’t want to be scared anymore. So, teach me. Please.”

Makoto’s eyes widened and a smile slowly spread across his face. “Of course, Haru,” he chuckled. “Of course I will… Of course…” Makoto leant forward, eyes closing, and he pressed his lips to the damp hair on Haru’s forehead. 

The pang hit his chest with such a force that Haru felt his breath leave him once more. It wasn’t like when the fear was choking him, this loss of breath was almost pleasant – strange, fluttery, but ultimately pleasant. As Makoto pulled back, Haru lifted his eyes up to him. 

Makoto stared back, an odd expression on his face; as if he’d just realised what he’d done himself, and he was trying to work out why he had. Briefly, Haru wondered if he felt the same pang in his chest that he did – if he knew what it meant. Haru didn’t understand it, but he was starting to feel like he should pay more attention to it. Makoto’s gaze moved downwards a little, staring at something other than Haru’s eyes; Haru glanced down briefly too, eyes drawn to the way Makoto chewed on his lower lip uncertainly. 

He needed to be closer to him. Haru lift a hand and pressed it against Makoto’s chest – his skin was still damp from the river, but Haru could feel heat radiating off him. A warmth as inviting and comforting as when they held hands. His fingers wandered for a moment, feeling the curves and dips of Makoto’s body – his ribs, his waist, his stomach muscles. 

When their eyes met again, they both understood one another, even if they didn’t understand themselves. They didn’t need to speak, and Haru was grateful for that, for there was something extraordinarily beautiful about the way Makoto’s lip lifted into a small smile without a word. 

The hands remained on Haru’s cheeks, tilting his head up slightly as Makoto leant forwards once more. Haru let his eyelids flutter shut, and his fingers twitched against Makoto’s chest slightly.

As their lips touched, the pang exploded in his chest; Haru’s breath hitched as Makoto kissed him. It was light, just a comforting contact to start with, but then Makoto sighed softly and their lips were moving against one another. 

_Oh… so this is what it meant… the pang…_

They sat like that for some time: lips on lips and hands on skin. Haru soaked up the moment, savouring the warmth of Makoto against him and the way their lips seemed to mould together so carefully. They broke apart now and then to catch their breaths, little smiles and whispers of each other’s names in the gaps before they were kissing again. At some point, the wind grew colder, chilling Haru dampened skin despite the towel round his shoulders; he didn’t say anything, but Makoto noticed his discomfort immediately – probably feeling the same way himself. 

“We should go inside,” Makoto whispered as he pulled back slightly. 

Haru frowned slightly at the idea, reaching up to trail his thumb over Makoto’s reddened lips. It earned him a smile, and a brief peck on his thumb, before Makoto’s hands wrapped around his own and pulled it down.

“We’ll catch colds, Haru. My parents will want me back soon anyway.”

It took a simple look before Makoto was frowning himself, clearly seeing what Haru was thinking. 

_Stay with me._

Haru could see the inner battle Makoto was having with himself: he was reluctant to leave, but his common sense knew they had to. It was a brief conversation through eyes, and Haru nodded, defeated the moment he saw the _‘Please?’_ in the bright greens. 

They stood, laughing slightly at how neither of them had working limbs – they really had been sitting for a long time. Makoto jogged back down the bank to collect their clothes and shoes, leaving Haru to wait by the wall, and the two of them quickly got dressed. Makoto ruffled Haru’s hair with the towel to try to shake the worst of the water off, and Haru complained. There was no awkwardness, no nerves; nothing left but an understanding that the kiss had been right. Hands entwined, Makoto walked Haru back to the iron gate. 

“Can we meet again tomorrow?” Makoto asked, squeezing Haru’s hand uncertainly. 

Haru nodded. “Early.”

“I can’t,” Makoto laughed. “I have to help with the farm in the mornings. We can meet at two again?” It took only a second for Makoto to note the disapproval on Haru’s face, and he leant down to lightly peck his lips as an apology. “I don’t like waiting either, but it’s not long.”

Haru just hummed without comment, and stared down at their hands. 

“Go on in, Haru,” Makoto coaxed, pushing him towards the gate, letting their fingers slip apart at the very last second. The pang in his chest vanished, replaced by an empty ache. Makoto smiled and stepped back. “I’ll see you tomorrow.”

Lifting his hand in a goodbye, Haru stepped into his garden and pulled the gate closed behind him, sliding the bolt into place. Perhaps he was imagining it, but it seemed like the bolt was much easier to move now – not as stiff as it once was. 

Haru kept his eyes locked on Makoto as he walked backwards to his house, only turning at the very last moment. As he stepped through in through the back door, he sighed at the emptiness. 

“Haruka!” 

He glanced up as his grandmother marched into the room, her eyebrows pulled tight together. She didn’t look angry so much as irritated. 

“I thought you were only going out for a bit!” she complained, crossing her arms over her chest. “You’ve been gone over an hour.”

“Sorry,” he said. “I got distracted.”

He made to try to walk past her, needing a hot shower to think over the afternoon, but his grandmother just followed him out into the hall. 

“Why is your hair wet? It’s not been raining,” He didn’t have the energy to try to explain that he was battling his life-long fear of water: she wouldn’t understand. Instead, he started up the stairs. “Haruka, listen when I’m talking to you.”

With an inner sigh, he stopped in the middle of the stairs and stared down at her. She was being strangely persistent today, so perhaps he had done something to annoy her – though he had no clue what. 

“You have a visitor,” she said. “They arrived half an hour ago, but you weren’t anywhere in the garden.” He didn’t have the time to ask her who it was before she was telling him she had sent them up to his room and that she had to head out to get more groceries – implying that this visitor would be staying with them for dinner. As she headed off to her room to get ready, Haru turned and started heading upstairs again – significantly more weary than before. 

His bedroom door was indeed ajar, and when he pushed it open he saw his curtains had been thrown open and his bed made. A fat duffel bag had been dumped at the end of his bed, and standing leaning against his desk flicking through a book was Rin. 

_Rin._

Haru just stared, completely at a loss, and Rin looked up to smirk at him. “I told you I’d visit, invitation or not.”

How very like Rin. Haru sighed, kicking his door shut behind him as he stepped into the room, moving over to dig out some fresh clothes. “You can’t just dump yourself on people without warning.”

“I asked your parents last week, they said it was fine. I thought they’d tell you.”

“My parents aren’t ever here.”

“Yeah, but your _very_ sick grandmother is…” Rin cocked an eyebrow, dropped the book onto the desk and crossed his arms. “When you said you were dropping out of school to look after her, I sort of assumed she was bedridden or something.”

Haru didn’t say anything: Rin knew now he hadn’t been completely honest with why he transferred schools, so there was no need to try to keep up the lie. But that sure as hell didn’t mean he’d tell him the truth either. 

“I’m going to shower. I see you’ve already made yourself at home,” Haru said once he had all his clothes. 

“Yeah, you’ve got a really nice view from your window. You can easily see the river bank too.”

Haru froze. 

“The garden gate’s easy to see from here too,” Rin continued. Haru turned slowly, eyes narrowed. Rin stared back at him, face void of any readable expression. “So, you haven’t turned into a raggedy farm boy, Haru… You’re just kissing one.”

Haru didn’t even blink, refusing to break the eye contact first. “He’s not raggedy.” 

Rin scoffed. “You’re not even going to deny it?”

“You saw,” Haru pointed out with a shrug: no use trying to lie his way out of this either. “It’s none of your business who I kiss anyway.

Rin sighed, rubbing his eyes with a hand. “Haru, I don’t care who you kiss. What pisses me off is that you dropped out of one of the best schools in the country because you want to be close to some farmer, and then you lied about it to me!”

“It wasn’t just because of him,” Haru spat. “And he’s not just some farmer. Makoto’s more than that.”

“No, he’s a farmer. His parents are farmers, and he’ll be a farmer. Just like your parents are landlords, and you’ll be a landlord. Even if you weren’t both guys, it’s never going to happen. So why are you throwing your education away for him?”

Haru didn’t listen to anymore. He turned on his heel and stormed out the room to the shower. A burning anger swirling round his stomach. Beneath it, a spark of fear that Rin had lit in him.


End file.
